致命的大错
Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10.
Qualifications: No education or experience.
I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy.
My compensation should be at least equal to my age.
Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC.
Fired because I fought for lower pay.
Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5 .
Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date.
Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near.
Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately.
打字错误与语法错误
Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
I am a rabid typist.
Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981.
After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.
Accounting cleric.
As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments.
Suspected to graduate early next year.
Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.
Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.
Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.
不应有的幽默
Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house.
Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting. （Translation: Short-order cook.）
But wait…there's more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job'-and I like your company in particular.
Title: Another resume from the 'Profiles in Excellence' series.
Also Known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr.Fix-it.
Trustworthy references available upon request-if I give them a few bucks.
Let's meet so you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' over my experience.
